I'm working my way through the grief book my therapist lent me. It's actually a workbook but I decided to read first and then go through the workbook if he thinks it will help. I'm not sure I'm yet in the place that I'll benefit; I think I'm one step before the workbook stuff starts and need to address that first.

I feel like I'm not allowed to grieve because I did 20 years ago. But I have all sorts of new feelings and things I haven't allowed myself to feel for 20 years (or longer) and I need to sort through that and feel worthy to grieve before I can do it.

His obituary ran in the local paper for where I grew up this week. Nobody reached out to say "I'm sorry". I know people have good reason to not think well of him but I thought at least one person would say something. But if it were me I'd probably not know what to say either.

Otherwise a decent day. I walked my mom's dogs so I got some exercise which is good. I have done 2 loads of laundry in 2 days which is at least accomplishing something. I've been struggling with that lately; I am just tired and low motivation since his death. I'm learning this is normal but I would like a day or two off.