Well, one thing for sure, people are irrational at a deep level and it's normal to have conflicting thoughts and impulses, so there's that. Sounds to me like some kind of anger at people, and at that moment a lack of empathy. Which I don't mean as a criticism, but just looks like those are two feelings, one that might be there and one that isn't there, but we are culturally expected to feel or express.

Also, I notice your mood is "don't know." Maybe, like me, you have trouble identifying your feelings at times. Kinda sounds like that is happening here.

Edit: Also, there's a thing called schadenfreude - taking pleasure in other people's misfortune. You can google that word and read more about it if you like.