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Old 03-21-2019, 07:34 AM
MrBrains MrBrains is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2019
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MrBrains MrBrains is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2019
Location: MS
Posts: 22

Default Re: My girlfriend is upset because I don't want her to touch me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LyingEyes View Post
TL/DR: I don't like my *** and breasts and crotch touched outside of sex, GF is sad about this cause it makes our relationship seem too platonic. She's scared of initiating sex because she doesn't want to touch me wrong.

That is, I don't like it when we're hanging out/chilling/I'm cooking/getting dressed and she :grabs or smacks my ***, plays with my boobs, or grabs my crotch. I just don't like it, ever. I don't like my sexual body parts being messed with when I'm relaxing, I find it invasive, annoying, and frustrating. I'm very sensitive and easily aroused, and I dislike feeling that way when I'm not going to get any fulfillment.

This is upsetting to her. She feels as if the relationship is too platonic, and she is afraid to initiate sex because she's afraid to touch me in a way I dislike. I get this, but I've told her many times I like it when she kisses me and then moves to other body parts--I just don't like being touched sexually OUTSIDE OF SEX. The irony is that when we do have sex, she barely touches me. She doesn't grab my *** or my breasts, she really just wants to go down on me and focus on that area. I'm confused. I told her this, and that I wanted her to touch me more during sex, and she said she would but that it wouldn't make her feel any better about not being able to touch me when we're just hanging out.

She's frequently upset about this--if she tries to touch my *** and I move away, it can trigger tears because she wishes she could touch me. I understand that for her it isn't just about sex, it's a way of showing affection to her. But I'd rather cuddle and kiss.

This is emotionally difficult for her, and while I can't really relate, I understand this. I want to help make her feel better, but I'm not willing to let go of my boundaries and make myself uncomfortable. I asked her if this was a deal breaker, and she said "I guess not, but it makes me sad all the time".

Advice?

I'd like to add: I do like sex. And I love to cuddle. And I have talked to her about all of this but she feels like there's nothing to be done.
Also: We've been together for over a year.
I understand. Most men do not like this either because it shows her as the dominate partner. Stick to your guns. Be nice about it. But I'd tell her straight up "Are you trying to show your dominance to me?, I'm not interested in that." She may not even know that that is what she's actually doing.
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