I’m wondering when the transference will stop. In particular, I’m wondering about the strong desire for email responses from my T despite the fact that he’s made it clear he won’t reply (but will willingly read) and despite the fact that I can respect this boundary at least on a logical, adult level.

I had an a-ha moment this weekend where I genuinely felt like I was mourning the loss of my mother who is very much alive, just not available to me emotionally. I had a brief moment where I imagined her telling me something unequivocally positive and mom-like and it made me genuinely sad to realize I won’t get that from her because she’s not capable. I cried about it and it even felt cathartic. Later I realized that what I imagined wanting from her (a positive response) was exactly what I have been longing for from my T. This felt like a huge revelation. I would think that this would allow me outgrow that young sort of obsessive desire for email replies from my T. Will that happen eventually? Because despite having this realization, I think I still kind of feel like I’d like him to respond. I want him to respond in a way that I’d like my mom to respond. I’m hoping that this experience and realization will help me move past this, but I’m not sure and would welcome any thought.