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Originally Posted by Anne2.0
It does sound like an aha moment about your mother. Not having a mother capable of emotional responding is a difficult way to grow up. But I am not sure (not like I can possibly know better than you, I'm just saying what I think) it's connected to the email.
It seems to me from what you have said that he is very nurturing and supportive, and emotionally available to you in session. If that is true, why isn't the session time enough for you, and how much nurturing really happens by email? (I'm assuming you and your mother didn't communicate by email when you were growing up. I can see wanting to repeatedly nurse at the nipple of the therapist fountain of emotionality and maybe that is what getting an email response does for you, but that seems superficial compared to what is available during an actual session.
For me, transference has been linked to a current deprivation in my own life. Looking at that, and seeing what I could do to get my needs met by my spouse or others in my social network. When I did that, my transference simmered down.
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Thanks. Yes, there may be more going on but this feels like a start. I went no contact with my mom about 2 years ago and started seeing my T right after that. In the past few years I have also had some big struggles with my son who has had major anxiety, school avoidance, etc., things that don’t show up in the “parenting handbook.” Although somewhat better now, at the time it felt like it hit me like a Mack truck and I have felt pretty sad about not having a supportive mom around when I was having parenting issues. In fact, I felt like I had to shield my son from my mom which was just a huge bummer. All of this, plus my own style of trying to do everything on my own is what prompted me to seek therapy. This past week it just hit me how much I’ve wanted mom-like support in the past few years. Some of it at least feels the same as the types of responses I’ve been craving from my therapist like, “I’m looking forward to seeing you on Wednesday,” and, “I just wanted to let you know that I’m here,” and “Those are all great thoughts.” I suppose they sound like cliche therapist one liners, but to me they feel like they symbolize more.
As for why session time isn’t enough (vs. emails) I haven’t figured that part out yet!