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Findingreason
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Findingreason is recovering slowly.
 
Member Since: Dec 2016
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Default Mar 22, 2019 at 03:39 PM
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
I am sorry you are struggling so much with this right now. You probably are at a place where you can finally sit and heal. When we are younger we simply don't know how to interprit all the things we experience. A dysfunctional home environment can become what a child and even young adult "thinks" is normal. Then with more life experience and gaining more knowledge, it can stop us in our tracks where we can remember things we lived through that we now can see were very toxic, even dangerous more so than we realized.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post

Please make sure you are patient with yourself. Do your best to not judge yourself and realize all you were capable of was just doing your best to thrive in the environment you grew up in. Flashbacks are scary and confusing, and they can be intrusive and catch a person completely off guard, that's what I myself experienced. It's not your fault that is happening to you either, each time you experience one, always make sure you say, "yes I remember that, but it's not happening to me now, I am ok now". That significantly reduces how strong they are. Remember, this is about finally healing, finding your own personal sense of safety and gradually healing so you can finally grow as a person despite all these toxic experiences you had in your past. It's different for everyone some heal faster than others, it's not a matter of how fast you heal or how long it takes, the only thing that really matters is you are on a path to healing.

It's really brave to share, even when you do it anonymously. It's often brave in that some people have been literally brainwashed into thinking its wrong to share their feelings and hurts and personal challenges. Abusive parents give orders and don't allow you to talk back, so many people have that buried deep in their subconscious mind. Some individuals have more garbage to sort through than others. The goal is to work on sorting yourself out and learning how to gradually own your own life. It's not really a line you suddenly cross, it's alway a path towards healing, learning, gaining, growing and deciding your own life path despite what others think or say.
Open Eyes, thank you so much for your reply and thoughts. This means a lot. I am indeed in an overall good state of being as of late and decided its time to uncover my past and heal. I do struggle a lot with judging myself though. I feel like I am bad talking my parents, my life, my environment, spreading false info, and am guilty of all sorts of bad things. Like trying to tackle this is a crime of sorts. It hurts a LOT. I didn’t realize it was this bad until I opened Pandora’s Box.

There’s a whole lot more I don’t feel safe about. I am trying to understand why. As mentioned in my first post, I suspect there is more going on I still need to remember and uncover. But I’d rather not share those details. Too painful for me right now. I often never feel safe in public. I watch my back all the time. I am cautious. It’s scary for me.

I am strong, I know I am. I will get through this. Again, thank you for your reply.
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