Hey.

I don’t really have anyone to talk to at the moment, so I’m writing here. Today is my late friends birthday and as with the anniversary, today is a difficult day to deal with. I really wanted to go to the mountains for a hike as that is something which I used to do with him, but I didn’t get the chance. I ended up at a lookout where we used to hang out. I sat there for a while and managed to get a little teary eyed. I’m not very good with feelings and emotions, they’re often suppressed or my defenses jump up and block me from feeling. So a couple of tears was all I was going to get I guess.

I just miss him. He was the first person who I was able to talk to about my MH and the only one to ever follow up with me about it. He was always there for me and basically the only person in my life who I could completely trust and be myself around. Losing him has been huge. I don’t mind days like today. I’m okay with feeling sad about this. It’s just so hard. I miss his voice, his hugs and just his company. His stupid jokes and ridiculous haircuts.

Anyway. I just wanted to type.. Thanks for listening

AP