I'm just going to list my thoughts here so I have a collection of how I've been processing things.. The more I think.. the more I replay past conversations in my head sometimes altering how they went to see a different outcome.. or I'll think of events that haven't happened and I guess my mind makes them happen in some sort of way.

About a month ago someone at my work yelled at me out of stress. It was super unprofessional and since then we've dealt with the issue. But for some reason last night while trying to go to bed that's what I was replaying in my head. Except instead of us resolving the issue I fell to the ground having a heart attack or seizure and then had to be rushed to the hospital.

Two weeks ago I was driving home from work and hit a bump in the road. We have a lot of stray cats around our neighborhood especially ones that my neighbor has taken in as outdoor pets. After I hit that bump all I could think about that night was how I slaughtered a cat, how it was probably flat in the road, how I've never hit anything let alone my favorite animal, how I took a life, how guilty I felt, guilty for not going back to check. I've been trying hard not to check things..so I was trying to convince myself it wasn't a cat. And here I am still thinking about this night.