How do you guys handle having yourself be the one who sabotages you the most?

I feel like it might be worse because I'm so freshly (and tentatively) diagnosed, but I keep trying to convince myself "I'm faking it" or "I'm fine, all of the things we are finding are things I am making up" or "I am just dramatic"

It's worse right now, my anxiety is really spiking the last few days, which I know doesn't help. The last week was the only time I can remember in the last couple of years that I felt normal, and I'm taking it really hard that I'm tanking again.

I'm also so hesitant to call my psychiatrist, even though she has told me multiple times to call *anytime anything at all* changes. I feel like I'm disrupting her or bothering her or something, it literally makes me nauseous to think of picking up the phone to call. Heaven forbid a receptionist is free and I can't just leave a message on the answering machine.

It's hard being able to recognize that these things I'm telling myself aren't true, but being too paralyzed to help myself past them.