I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, WishfulThinker66 I'm sure many can relate to what you wrote, especially here on PC. You're definitely not alone in this. It's hard to fight it. Do you see a therapist? Maybe that could help. You could learn new ways to cope with your feelings. Just try to focus on your driving and don't think of anyone else, although I understand it's not easy and I'm sure you're already doing it. There's nothing wrong with driving cautiously, but remember that there's no such thing as a perfect driver! I'm sure you're a perfectly good driver just the way you are. Have you talked to your boyfriend about this? Perhaps he will have some words of encouragement and support for you if you talk to him about this. Just a thought. I'm sure you're a great driver. I hope things will get better soon for you one way or another. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, WishfulThinker66. You're a strong, wonderful person. Please remember that. You don't deserve to suffer at all