Hello NervesOButter: I believe this is your first thread here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. Three additional forums, here on PC, that may be of particular interest to you would be the grief & loss forum, the relationships forum & the healthy parenting forum. Here are links to these forums just in case you haven't already found them:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/grief-and-loss/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/rela...communication/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/healthy-parenting/

You also mentioned a major trauma that occurred when you were 15. So the PTSD forum may also be one to check out:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/post-traumatic-stress/

You began your post by mentioning the death of your dad three years ago. Here is a link to an article by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D. on the subject of grief & loss. The article provides links to a number of additional articles on the subject. There is such as thing as "complicated grief". Also included are links to 4 articles on this subject. The fourth link is to a grief & loss quiz you can take to help you determine if the grief you are continuing to experience could be considered complicated grief:

Coping with Grief and Loss - Psych Central

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/menta...licated-grief/

https://psychcentral.com/news/2006/1...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/bondi...o-get-unstuck/

https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/grief-quiz/

And then, since you mentioned panic attacks, here are links to 4 articles on that subject:

https://psychcentral.com/disorders/a...eatment/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/tips-to...-attack/?all=1

https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-...panic-attacks/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/living-with-panic-attacks/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.