idk, the whole "hit rock bottom and build back up" sounds like ******** to me...

how do they do it? how do you "decide" its "enough" and idk, start going to therapy, or taking your pills, or anything

at times, when it seems depression is lifting it just... doesn't, its just in disguise, and i do stuff eventually but nothing fulfilling, meaningful, purposeful or something of the sort...

thought this job was going to get me back on track, first year was a struggle but i managed to keep it... i thought it was going to help, it doesnt

thought getting back to school was going to put me back into the road, but it just feels like an obligation

oh, and ive done enormous work with people... some even think i dont think about jumping off a cliff anymore or drowning myself in alcohol and entire boxes of fags everyday... i smile at them, i talk a little when attention is on me, but i dont feel like engaging really with me, ive been committed into improving all relationships but i doesnt feel natural

oh i guess that i just dont know, keep falling endlessly through a downward spiral without no hint of "rock bottom", the abyss is infinite - and so its void