Does anyone have advice on how I can 1.) overcome this and 2.) be kind to myself when it does happen (which is often)?

I honestly don't think it's going to go away unless I find a way around it, work hard and long to change it, or just accept it. (Edit: I see a 4th avenue too, which is to find more things, even 1 thing, where I'm like a "wholehearted yes" about it, or at least a mostly wholehearted yes.)

Today I have no motivation to change myself. I feel especially guilty because I said I'd "See someone tomorrow at church" and today is tomorrow and I'm totally not going to church.

It makes me think how much like an animal I really am. I have my own rules and do what I want. I'm super unbending about it too. I don't want to say stubborn, because I want to change. But I'm super resistant when it comes to this sometimes.