Thanks, SilverTrees... it looks like we were typing at the same time!

I agree that my friend's comments probably had more to do with his own issues. He's actually a really good friend, and a great dad. I think that his "dad-ness" actually was really helpful when I worked for him, and made him a better manager. He was (usually) very emotionally intelligent, though could be a little blunt sometimes. Good guy though, we're still friendly.

I think that the decision to have or not have children has so many different inputs, it doesn't make sense to me to simplify it down to "selfishness". Sometimes, it's selfish to have kids - some people have kids because they want miniature versions of themselves, or little people who they believe will unconditionally love them and never leave. It's not really my business though, I've got enough to deal with worrying about what I'm doing in my little corner of the universe.

The Oscar Wilde quote is really beautiful! So many good thoughts wrapped up in that one! I like the idea that selfishness boils down to trying to impose your own decisions on other people, that makes sense to me.

This, "A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. " - really struck me. I don't know what/who I am yet. And, I feel so old to be trying to figure out where I fit in to the world, but that's the essence of it - I don't know if I'm a rose, or a gardenia, or a wild honeysuckle bush making everyone sneeze. And, I don't know how people figure it out!