Thank you SO much Mickey for letting me know you're reading me. it does so much good to me . REALLY. more than i can say. im not looking for answers here, just trying to exist. and having someone reading me helps with that. Thank you SO much.

Today… not much to say. i was lazy and spent all day in bed watching tv series.

but tonight i had to go and get my meds and i feel so bad for deceiving nurses and i was so scared of getting caught. but i am my own best doc and only i can decide which meds are ok and helping and which are not.

i've also bought some chocolate. i feel like eating a lot of things even if im not hungry. i know its comfort eating and it helps a little but usually, after eating, i feel as empty as before. maybe more. but chocolate, that chocolate, keeps popping up in my mind all the time so i figured if i eat a LOT of it until i feel nauseated, sooner or later i'll have enough. it will stop popping up in my mind. it has worked before with other foods and i hope it will work with this one too. i'll try and eat better and less this week. i promise.