SilverTrees -thanks!

I think some people never really have to question how they fit in the world. I think, for some people, it's just... intuitive and obvious? Or, it's happening subconsciously and they never need to think about it. Or, they make a decision and are able to stick with it.

I really, really want to do *something*. I have that *feeling* - but I don't know what *something* is, and honestly, I think it gets cloudy with the mental health stuff. It's only recently that I've realized how long I've been struggling with depression, and how much it affects everything in my life - and honestly - I still don't know how to deal with that. My life has become very small, but trying to do anything is completely overwhelming. I mean, I'm getting seriously overwhelmed by things like having to replace the dishwasher. I've been trying to replace a 15 year old car since late last year, and just get so twisted up in knots about everything (reliability, what do I want to drive for the next 10 years, costs, where will I get it maintained). It's kind of crazy.

It's just frustrating to feel like you could/should be doing something in the world, but to also be very aware of the clock ticking, and how - especially as a female (I think) - we seem to have less value in the world as you get older. This whole "body going crazy as you approach menopause" thing doesn't help either (seriously, why?!?!?!)

And, I can't find good answers. Even with therapy, there's just not a real clear path that I can see.

But, I DO love the idea of exploration (and I think it's an awesome attitude to have - please don't think I'm arguing or saying you're wrong!) - AND I also feel a lot of envy, I guess, towards people who have picked a path, stuck with it, and have become experts in their field. I've pretty much failed at that, even though that's something that I want very much! (And again, as the years go by, it feels like there's less opportunity to do that!)

I still love the flower metaphor though.

re: Deep thinkers, don't sell yourself short! You're asking really good questions that I think a lot of people don't consider at all, and have a really interesting and insightful perspective.

No worries, you didn't sound like at all!

And, about the double-standard, I'd be curious to hear from guys if they ever do get pressure about stuff like this. I don't know why, and I could be wrong, but it doesn't seem implausible that there are guys out there getting pressured (at least from their moms!) to hurry up, get married, and start family.

But you're right, it can be really awful for women in particular, and it seems crazy to me that so much of our value as humans seems to be tied to our willingness/ability to produce more people!

Thanks!