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Old 03-24-2019, 08:20 PM
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ThePainNeverDies ThePainNeverDies is offline
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Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
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ThePainNeverDies ThePainNeverDies is offline
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ThePainNeverDies TPND is BACK!
 
Member Since: May 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 1,308

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Default Severe Anxiety..

..It has been a while.. Hello everyone and a to all those who accept..

At work, we have an intranet where a fair amount of content is posted. Most of it is to do with health because I work for a medical facility. There was a particular focus on Anxiety last week, for some reason. An anxiety test had been posted, along with the contact details for the company counseling/therapy.

I took the test. Twice. The questions/answers were based on how the person had been feeling in the last week. The first time I took it, I hadnít read that part.. my score came out under the sever anxiety bracket. I took it again, after reading the instructions. My result, again, came out as severe anxiety. Just a couple of points less than the first time.

I know that I have anxiety. I know that it can debilitate me at times. But I had never once considered my anxiety as Ďsevere.í I can still function, work, interact with people. But it dawned on me that even whilst doing all those things, I am still anxious. My anxiety may not prevent me from doing those things, but it is absolutely never absent. It is always niggling away in my head; making my hands shake, making me doubt myself or the person in front of me, causing my head to race..

What do I do? Do I continue as I am, struggling every day to cover up my anxiety, try to keep it at bay? Do I see a therapist (again?) do I see my doctor and start on meds? I feel ok.. I feel safe. Yes, I struggle sometimes. Yes, I have bad days. Yes, I am constantly on edge. But I am afraid that if I see a therapist, my husband will find out.. I donít want him to think that he is the cause, because he is not. I also do not want him to think that he has not, or does not, help(ed). I donít want anyone knowing if I end up seeing a therapist.. I am not one to take medication. I struggle with it after countless overdoses; it makes me gag.. I also do not want to struggle and end up pushing myself over the edge. I am very resilient. Strong. Proud.. I want to get through this myself, but I know that I have tried for a long time and I still have the odd panic attack. I still shake, I still have a racing mind, I still doubt myself, people, and situations..

My gut is usually right.. I have a terrible habit of ignoring it, it I am trying to listen to it more now. I just have no real gut feeling on this.. I want to be ok, I just donít want to be failing..

Advice, hugs, kind words.. all appreciated!

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