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sarahsweets
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Default Mar 25, 2019 at 08:56 AM
 
I am the alcoholic in the marriage here. I have been sober for 6 years. I put my husband through hell. It snuck up on me like its sneaking up on your bf. i started by hanging with a drinker and we would do cocktails most nights, and on the nights we didnt get together we would have cocktails over the phone and talk. I was alienating my husband and making the drinking friend a priority. That friendship died and I didn't stop. I even enrolled in beauty school and would come home on lunch for a "glass of wine". Soon it was bottles. I dropped out of school. I have been on disability for other reasons so that made it easier to justify my drinking. I still cooked, was a decent mom and wife. I held it together until the end. I joke that I turned 30 and by the time I was 35 I was a full blown alcoholic. My poor husband did his best, and my middle daughter took the brunt because she would get in the middle of the fights, and one time dumped all my wine and I blamed my husband and took off down the street to the bar. He asked my neighbor to go follow me to make sure I was ok.

I have always been an early riser but the physical effects I was having had me waking up super early and I would chug wine to stop shaking and sweating. One morning I feel to my knees realizing I was out of wine, ( i was up to three big bottles a day) and I weeped and cried like I never have. That noon I went to an AA meeting and I have been sober ever since. Prior to that I had tried AA and relapsed, I think it was about 4 times. Relapse is not required but it goes with the territory. Not everyone needs a 12 step program. Some people use SMARTrecovery and some people can do it on their own. AA helped me understand my addiction and medication and therapy helped me work on the internal piece of the addiction.

You are right that he must hit rock bottom if he is an alcoholic in order to stop but who knows what that bottom is? I never got arrested (though I should have been) I never abused my kids physically or my husband. But I did miss out on a lot. I think you are wise to pull away and not prioritize certain things with him. Consequences are the only thing that wakes us up. Sometimes those consequences are devastating and to be real, you may not make it with him. But if you are able to learn the right kind of support you can. AlAnon helps families of addicts. Its tough to figure out the difference between alcoholism and heavy drinking but I do not know any heavy drinkers that make it to their 50's and dont become alcoholics. The joke I hear is "how many active alcoholics do you know that are 65 years old?" The answer among my crew is none. I have first hand witness the death of an active alcoholic, most recently in April of last year. They poop themselves at the end. They are combative, they get "wetbrain" the are neurologically impaired, liver failure, fatty liver disease. They start out really bloated (look for the reddish bulbous nose- red cheeks, watery red eyes) and then they just stop eating and become skin and bones. Its horrible. I am not trying to scare you, just share my experience.
Possible trigger:
She just couldnt handle it.

its important for you to decided what parts you are able to take and live with, and how much support you are willing to give, and to NOT feel guilty if your choice is to leave or that you cant give him what he wants.

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