I'm so sorry you're hurting so much and that you and your boyfriend are going through all of this, Gymgirl71 I completely agree with what sarahsweets has already wisely said better than I ever could. I'd suggest to listen to her if you can and want. She always has great advice! I believe you need to make things clear with your boyfriend. Make him understand that you won't accept this behavior and that he needs to change it if he wants this relationship to continue. Do not be afraid to set up boundaries. You have every right to do all of this. You're not the one to blame. Just try to tell to him what ways there are out there to get out of all of this. There IS help available. I'd suggest to make him try AA and see how it goes from there. Maybe that could help. I feel like that may definitely help him. Remember that you can't force him to get help and to get better. He's the one that needs to put the hard work. If he refuses to get help, you may want to consider to end this relationship. I know it's hard, especially when you've invested so much time in it, but you need to take care of yourself. It's the right thing to do. Perhaps he'll understand his mistakes that way, although there's no way to be sure. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and to ask for help. You deserve to live an happy life, with him or with someone else. He deserves it too, but he needs to get better first! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, Gymgirl71. Please don't give up. Try to hang on. Keep fighting! You're a strong, wonderful person! You're awesome! You're strong! You're a warrior! I'm so sorry you're going through all of this! You don't deserve to suffer at all