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nonightowl · Mar 25, 2019 at 12:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 20oney

Hey..

So about 18 months ago, I lost one of my closest friends suddenly to an aircraft accident. He was one of maybe 3 people who I’ve ever had in my life who I’ve actually felt completely comfortable with so his passing was a difficult one to say the least. As to be expected I guess, there are still days where I really struggle, but I am generally at peace with it...

It’s his birthday next weekend. I moved away from my hometown 12 months ago, but I will be visiting home on his birthday. Initially I thought that it was perfect timing as I could visit a place that brings back a very nice memory with him. But the thing is, I don’t have a lot of time while I’m in town. I keep putting off catching up with my other friends, so I think maybe I should spend time with them instead of revisiting an old memory - again..

I don’t know, I don’t think I’m really looking for an answer. I really want to be with him on his birthday. But maybe this is a good opportunity to move forward a little bit more.

As with all of the ‘special occasions’, this time of year certain flares up the sadness..

- AP

I lost a good friend suddenly 3 years ago, almost. And they didn't even know from WHAT. He just suddenly collapsed and never woke up.

Due to religious reasons, no autopsy was done.

He was one of VERY few people I could say anything to, without judgement at all. Anniversary of his death and his birthday are the hardest.

I got to meet his parents by chance, at his grave. So now I have someone to share that loss with, even if it's obviously not the same relationship. I mean, I get some solace from that.

I do eat cake on his birthday, and I've visited his grave when I can. I even raised h e l l over the condition of it once, as there was all this mud on it when the others around it were in better condition. I said it looks like nobody is even buried there!

I don't tell people what to do, as I hate it when people do it to me. I follow my gut or heart, doing what I FEEL I want to do. After going to a couple of grief groups, I remember what I heard in them: There is no "right" way or "supposed" to, no time table, no linear process. It's okay NOT to cry, not to feel or to even not know what one feels.