I just wanted to say a belated thank you to all of you for your responses—this situation was a real struggle for me. I thought I'd share an update.

My boyfriend provided so much to me as a partner, and I wrestled with whether that outweighed the challenges we faced with him and his kids. In the end, I knew that I couldn't ignore the parenting choices he was making and couldn't find a path forward with him. It has been very sad for both of us, particularly him, but it needed to happen. I just don't think he sees just how challenging his situation is and how passive he comes across as a father at times. He is wonderful at showing affection and being goofy with his kids, but to me guidance and discipline are equally important, especially when the kids are misbehaving.

As much as he says he welcomes a new perspective, I didn't feel like he fully acknowledges how much change needs to come from from him and his parenting. While his son (almost 10) tends to be the biggest struggle, his daughter (almost 7) is now picking up on his son's behavior. They talk back to my boyfriend, disobey him, and ignore him, all of which are generally met with him laughing it off and no punishment. I struggled with how I would deal with this, especially as they become teenagers. That kind of behavior is not something that I tolerate and I don't see as being small—only building and getting worse. If they don't listen to him, why would they listen to his girlfriend?

Right before we finally ended things, my boyfriend told me he and his ex had put his son on medication. If his son behaves fine in school and not at home, shouldn't this indicate to them that it's the parenting that's the real problem? He and his ex lacked the ability to see that they dug themselves into this hole, or either that they didn't want to admit it.

I also worried about the kids developmentally, especially the son, as the mother lets him sleep in her bed "because he has trouble sleeping alone" (because he was never made to!) and I found out both kids still wear pull ups to bed... something that was really shocking to me given their ages. When my boyfriend brought that up, it was part of an unrelated conversation and he very casually said "I wonder when my kids will be out of pull ups." I was shocked, and his response was "they make them in their size, so it's normal." I don't have to be a parent to know that it's not normal. Who knew a conversation about diapers would basically be the deal breaker...

And yet, he is the most caring, thoughtful, and romantic boyfriend. I don't get it. It's a huge disappointment, and I wish I could say if things improved down the road that I'd consider getting back together with him, but I just can't see that happening right now if he's so reluctant to change.