(((((((((((((((((Honeybunny))))))))))))))))))))))))))) I am sorry to hear of your sadness. I hear what you are saying. Clearly.

Do you think you could get yourself to accept how you behaved? Or to start with accepting how hard of a time you are having with this? If you identify how you feel about something and accept that as your reality, the rest becomes a little easier.

You made mistakes; you know better now. Once you can accept your mistakes, those thoughts will lessen. They might go away completely, and they may not, but they won't be as powerful as they were. I promise you that; once you accept your reality and acknowledge the feelings connected to that, you will begin to feel better. But, healing takes time, and pace yourself carefully.

Am I making sense? Somehow that pattern of behavior got set in place for you. You know better now. You can make better choices. If you don't face and accept how you feel about that, it will continue to nag you to get your attention. They need to be validated.

I have had to face mistakes I have made over the years and doing that was what helped me get through it. It helped me get past those mistakes and to be able to do better.

If you feel like reading, here are so articles for you to consider.

Psych Central - Search results for Accepting feelings

I hope I am helping. xoxoxoxoxoxox