i could probably buy contacts and work in the protective services industry, like some men I know. but I don't want to risk life and limb for work, if I don't have to.

I should be a security guard because my mom wouldn't want me to be a sanitation worker? I don't think so.

If I were a protective service worker and I get hurt by criminals, then I'd not only be laid off but possibly in a hospital. I'd have to pay medical expenses, and then recover from the injury. hopefully don't lose a body part. hopefully don't die. and for what? 543$ a month? to go home and then get harassed by my mom like always?

If I had a daughter who loved me or anyone who loved me enough for me to feel a duty to defend, then I'd definitely defend. but money alone isn't convincing enough for me to be a security guard or defender in a neighborhood that might abhor me for my background or mental illness.

It'd be cute to be a security guard for a female employer or public figure maybe. So perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. though female employers are rare where I live: they're a minority.


I read the bible too, and so I know some basic deathly cautions of protective service work. I also know about street gangs and talked to some assaulters, even some that I've encountered in my psych ward stays.

Protective service work is still work, so I'll consider it. but it's at the bottom of my list for now.