Thanks a lot all of you guys.
I'm In 3 year old relationship with a married woman with a 7 year old son. She is not divorced yet but she is not seeing her husband all this time. She likes me and she wants me to express my feelings more often In front of our friends but I feel weird about it because she's still in marriage.
I care for her but I am only a hyper vigilant person who would do almost anything someone asks me. But she is a person who lives her life from the first person prospective. I have forgotten how to determine my feelings cause I learned to hide them from my father. That's my programming.
And she has a loving parents who saw her during her growing up. All I do is good but i feel all that is somehow external, performance, and i love how good is she connected to her feelings and express them.
So many times I feel like a con for saying I love her when she needs it to hear, but I am a guy who Does and not the one who Speaks much and use sugar words.