Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemoncake
It's okay to say you don't want X mentioned at all.I might sound cold but if S is not willing to even compromise and it's a trigger for you, i would reduce the time spent with him/her.
Another thing that stands out for me is the last bit. A saying I learnt recently: "you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep others warm". It's nice to be kind. If you can genuinely afford to give it as a one of gift. Not so much when it becomes expected that you will bail them out and the amounts increase. I think there then just comes a line where you realise that you are being taken for a ride. How much have you loaned already?
|
True, I think I'll tell her again not to mention T. And hope she doesn't ask why.
I can't even remember exactly how much I've loaned them...probably around $300 unreturned to date. :/ They don't expect money from me but I feel so guilty - they're not guilt tripping me - that I offer them loans... *embarrassed*
Quote:
Originally Posted by unaluna
Quietmind, i agree with lemoncake.  your post this morning made me think about how my not being assertive enough FOR myself has really hurt me. Not setting yourself on fire to warm someone else is something i can relate to!
I always would think "well, if they want this, i can afford it." It was only ever about if i could AFFORD it - did i feel rich enough? So it was always "poor them, rich me" - thats not good either, as a focus. |
Yes, I definitely feel "poor them, rich me" and feel super guilty that I have savings and aren't struggling with money. I'm really not good at being assertive for myself, it's like I shrink into a ball whenever someone challenges a boundary.
A friend coached me through setting a boundary with this other person I barely know who was messaging me a lot online (long rants over FB messenger) and my hands were shaking and I was sweating though it was "just" online.