My mom was talking about world events and her opinions and my sister has common sense and I see through that the 1% is controlling us and the media and social media making what appeals to our liking for money and being upset about shootings happening basically on another planet, outside our own world. Stars have feelings and they are burning.. they shine but no one cares about the stars or that white thing in the sky at night... everyone is disconnected and my mom drinks wine and talks her opinions about nursing and law.. I'm jealous I wish I was less "intelligent" and didn't see the big picture.. or intelligent isn't the right word.. maybe crazy.. but crazy in a different way like how everyone is crazy and I can't stand the world craziness together collectively.. There's different types of intelligence.. I blame donald trump and fake news. But even saying those words makes me apart of the problem. Opinions opinions opinions. Where do those opinions come from? Obsessing through your head all day every day until you decide to share it with someone. Constant inner dialogue constant chatter in the brain that won't leave you alone and you repeat sentences to reassure yourself. Conflicting opinion? Voice yours and then people call each other stupid.. this isn't how the world is supposed to be but it seems like it has already ended before the apocalypse happens as my schizophrenia friend in the psych ward said will happen. We saw UFO's. Maybe they were real who knows but if they were, I would see that friend as someone I would see in the afterlife, because we always meet after thinking we'd never see each other again.. it's weird the energy that follows certain rules in the universe.. without religion.. with religion is stationary and you're stuck... fighting and fighting about things that don't even matter. They don't matter because they aren't supposed to. Only for the secret societies and the government.

So I'm going to go to bed as I took an ativan cuz I started to feel panic because I feel like my mom is losing her mind. In optimism. I am optimistic mostly but I have a disease of depression infecting my mind like a society created parasite that the pharmaceutical companies don't want to cure, just like cancer.. oh no! I'm becoming what I hate, opinion filled by government propaganda. But what is real? Prophets can get things wrong I believe. I am basically jesus and muhammad and buddha just translating things differently, seeing the bigger picture.. because I know that we were all just monkeys a few million years ago.. almost as smart. 100 years ago people were stupid but we had the same sized brains so all the failures and success that people have done builds up to this one person that I care about right now, and that is me. So I won't study until tomorrow after class where I will absorb more information.. Idk if I could absorb more information just by the internet.. but I have bad time management skills which doesn't work for college either. My mental state, work, school, doing things in free time with people... I have the right to feel exhausted.. everyone has that right no matter what situation they are in unless they are not mental, watching TV and eating cheetos, gaining weight and not having opinions. Which is the cousin of my state of mind.