My Support Forums - View Single Post - Financial issues and household responsibility issues

sarahsweets · Mar 26, 2019 at 11:27 AM

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Originally Posted by BlueMerleGirl

It is like pulling teeth to get him to cook, so I have to do all of it or we end up eating out a lot which we can’t afford. He doesn’t do laundry, and it’s so much effort just to get him to do basic household chores that it’s almost easier if I just do it!

This is the tough part where the difference lies in whether we allow ourselves to be treated in a certain way vs having someone treat us the way we deserve. When you cook, cook for you and the baby. If there are leftovers-great. Do not make anything special for him or change your eating time and place just for him.
Do not do his laundry under any circumstances even if his hamper if overflowing and he rants about not having clean clothes. What other basic household chores does he do or not do that you feel he should?

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80 percent of the work maintaining the house and cooking. He just does not get it.

He gets it just fine. He knows if he avoids it long enough or does a crappy job then you will do it because it drives you nuts or you feel you have to. Dont. He is a grown man and existed fine on his own without you. You have two people to take care of and now he has himself to worry about. Do not take the bait and fight with him about this stuff. Just walk away or tell him you do not want to talk to him about it and refuse to engage. Its hard to have an argument with only one person. He sounds like someone who may whine or needle his way into getting what he wants- dont let that bother you, its just noise without meaning.

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It is even worse now because his business takes his energy so he can’t do fun things I want, and he has less energy to help with the house. Somehow I manage to work all day and still do things for the household but he is absolutely incapable or unwilling to do that.

You may have to bear this for a bit while you stick to some boundaries. He is not able to prioritize the household and money so you will still be on the bottom of that list. Hopefully he realizes it and makes time for you.

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I love him, and I don’t want to get angry over petty things, but I just don’t understand how this is OK. We fight about finances a lot and we do make improvements but it just seems to go back to normal after a while. I am fine if he stays home, but he needs to watch the kid, do at least 50 percent of the cooking and housework if not more, and stop wasting money to make our budget work. He has stayed home before and it just did not work out and I’m afraid that’ll happen again. I feel like I’ve just leaned to live with this stuff that makes me unhappy and I don’t know what to do.

Why are things like this, what can I do to make it better?

Do not be fine with him staying home after all this money has been spent over the real estate thing and his spending habits. Once he finds out you are ok with this he will take you up on it and probably do the bare minimum and still be angry with you because his life's dream isnt working out. And your child deserves more than the bare minimum.