i just dont get why its so hard. i feel like theres some huge instruction booklet that i missed. i constantly feel not good enough, like a depressed, broken piece of ****. he wants me to care about things like picking out new furniture. im just trying to get through the ****ing day. im so clueless as to what it takes to have a relationship and be somebodys partner. i am trying SO HARD. and its never good enough. the whole way i am and they way i think negates every good thing i try to do. im defensive and *****y and according to him, thats just who i am and who i will always be. and i tell him over and over that i will change but i obviously dont. i just want to get drunk as **** and cut myself because i obviously just suck at life and will never be happy. i should just let myself die in a ditch.