we dont mean to hurt others...at least i dont. its a viscious cycle...ive gone through dbt and cbt and therapy and i write and talk to myself and try to prepare myself for THAT MOMENT when i just turn into a total asshole...and way too often, none of it seems to work. or somethings just not clicking. i try so hard not to lose it and then i just do and i cant reel it back in. the guilt and the self hatred are horrible. i cant even comprehend how much ive hurt my partner...i wish i had an instruction manual on how to get through conflict because i am so, so bad at it.