It's not happening. Spring break happened at the wrong time. Also, I keep asking myself what if I'm gay? Then I'd be awful pursuing him whether I feel drawn to him or not. There's no way to tell if I'm drawn to him because I'm actually attracted to him or because I've been conditioned to pursue men no matter what and he seems like a decent choice if I have to be with a guy. I just think about all the bad parts of being with a guy, the forced gender role, the alterations to my appearance to be visually acceptable, the sexual part, the romantic part (I don't like romance...it's patronizing and disingenuous, but the guy thinks you want it simply because you're a "girl").