Quote:
Originally Posted by callingforthesun
i just dont get why its so hard. i feel like theres some huge instruction booklet that i missed. i constantly feel not good enough, like a depressed, broken piece of ****. he wants me to care about things like picking out new furniture. im just trying to get through the ****ing day. im so clueless as to what it takes to have a relationship and be somebodys partner. i am trying SO HARD. and its never good enough. the whole way i am and they way i think negates every good thing i try to do. im defensive and *****y and according to him, thats just who i am and who i will always be. and i tell him over and over that i will change but i obviously dont. i just want to get drunk as **** and cut myself because i obviously just suck at life and will never be happy. i should just let myself die in a ditch.
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It doesn't sound like this person is good for you. It's hard for anyone on the outside to understand what it's like having BPD, but they should be sympathetic and support your desire to improve rather than putting you down. My boyfriend and I have our problems but that isn't one of them. If anything we both think the other person is better than ourselves, and encourage them to work on things we can't or won't do. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing or not, lol.
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