Littleearthquakes, I was exactly the same way until I made a plan and got help to stop drinking. It's really hard to do on your own. I'd suggest talking with your Dr., be totally honest about how much you're drinking, and have them help you find out what options are available to you for support.

I had a followup appointment with the ER Respirology clinic re the black spot on my lung yesterday. I told the Dr., doing my exam that I was an alcoholic but had been sober for 5 months, one week, and he was super nice and congratulatory. Made me feel good.