Looking a little deeper at what I was doing based on what I learned in DBT.....was mindfulness & a lot if self-analysis.

I remember all my life I never knew what really connecting with anyone felt like. Leo (my dog I just lost a few months ago) actually taught me what love & connecting felt like. From there I realized I was feeling that same safe, caring feeling with my friends (the more I got to know them) I was afraid it would only be a fleeting feeling but it grew. I was able to correlate the 2 feelings & realized that was what TRULY connecting with others who were capable of emotionally connecting felt like. It was also a feeling of truly being accepted. I realized that the feeling required the 2 way connection for it to grow.

I spent so much of my time analzing what I was NOW experiencing & enjoying the growth experience. Yes, I kept at it while growing. I didn't really fake it because I was able to share some if what I was actually experiencing. I guess maybe my interpretation of "faking it" was too narrow. It just that is not like a switch where you fake it then you are ok.....it is a total growth process that we just keep making our way through. Then one day I looked back & realized what had happened. I wasn't sure even at the time what was actually going on.