Thanks for your messages @fern46. I'm not at the moment looking for a new pdoc. Last time I tried to get another one the referral from my gp (which is what you need in Canada to see a specialist) was declined by the new pdoc because I already have a pdoc.

So I would have to give up my pdoc in order to attempt to get a new one and really there is no reason to believe the new one would be any better than the one i currently have.

If I feel i really must drop him then I would probably go to my gp and tell her I need a new psychiatrist and will no longer see my current one. She will likely ask me why and I guess i will just state the truth more or less like what i have written here. But i am not ready to cross that bridge yet.

Yes it is true I have taken on the role of researching my own medicines and am not getting expert advise on what maybe the best regimen would be.

It just isn't so easy to get a new pdoc when you cannot self refer. In Canada if you want to see a specialist all referrals go through your gp and the specialist can just say no.

Thank you for sharing you were also an outsider as a child. I think this experience has unduly coloured my entire life with a sense of alienation and helplessness to do anything about that feeling.