It is also a slow process. It was months before I was able to find out I had been declined the last time I tried to get a new pdoc. Basically the system operates on the principal of exhaustion to make people go away. I once asked for a specific ENT specialist and after more than a year was sent to see another one who took a ct scan of my nose and left me to my own devices.

I'm pretty much on my own. I have two friends and my son plus I go to an Emotions Anonymous meeting every week. I isolate a lot and have been alienated many people during my psychotic manias. But I was already quite alone in the world before my first breakdown in my mid 40s. I am grateful for my friends and my son for sticking with me. I text with my sister almost everyday but we are not close in many ways. She is always right.

One of the rare constants in my life has been my pdoc. Even though he is not great he has been a steady force until recently.