((TheUrOther)), it's very hard when a person is struggling so badly that they can't even share the "episodic". You are reflecting a person that has NEVER experienced a presence that was concerning and helpful with you. This can most definitely lead to feeling that because no one helped you that everyone is failing you. I don't want to disrespect that imense hurt you are experiencing.
My concern is that you have so much anger that you may harm someone who really doesn't deserve it, either someone else or yourself. When a person chooses to act out their anger and resentment, it doesn't do anything to "help" the problem you loath so much, and more than often it can make it even worse.