I can kind of relate to your stuff with ex MC. There are some triggers that really get me, I mean, it was literally the dumbest/smallest thing in session on Friday that set me into a sobbing mess.... but it is what it is.... It's good you are making progress. It seems that you are more in the state of "peace/acceptance" with him, like I am with my dog. It doesn't mean I don't miss my dog, I do, every single day, but the pain has not been there. It's just a new normal.

I can understand how you could feel rejected but at the same time, there's so many things and ways he has shown you he cares and he is there and he isn't ex MC. Remember, a T can refer a client out if they really wanted to, he hasn't and that's because he enjoys working with you. He also gives you extra sessions whenever you ask, most T's would not do that. He has never rejected you... I think sometimes you might actually be rejecting yourself in a way and just assume everyone else feels the same.

I think the mindfulness/CBT you were working on will be good to keep it. Trying to live more present. It's been more helpful to me. Does your T give you homework? Maybe you could benefit from it if not. It's been the biggest help for me with baby T. It forces me to face things in a different way than normal.

It's also ok to seek other people for help. T is a part of your journey but he isn't your whole journey. It's ok to get a bigger group of people to help along the way. It isn't rejection, it's care. It's kindness. I wish I had taken more my T's suggestions for other people at the time, I really do. My reasons for not were selfish and stupid and now it's just lead to more regret.

I still, if you can talk to H about it, encourage you to try MC again. I don't know much about relationships but I think it might help to allow your H some of the emotional and deep stuff that T sees. You could still see T but you would also have anther therapist for support in your journey.

Lastly there is a quote I want to share with you I recently posted on my FB. It's something I try to remind myself every single day. "No amount of regret can change the past. No amount of anxiety can change the future"