I know now that I've got to find my bf a bed in a nursing home, whether that be temporary or permanent. I can't sustain what I've been doing. I've unraveled.

The problem is that moving ahead with this plan takes energy and work. I'm depleted. The attendant is here now. Since she arrived, I've been in bed. First that was to get some needed rest. Now I'm just under the covers hiding. I know that's childish.

I need something to eat. Just like the other day. When very stressed, I don't eat. Being hungry has always made me much less able to cope.

So I'll eat. I think I'll also take those two meds that make me feel better. That will be temporary, but I need some help, even just chemical. Anything to not feel so overwhelmed and defeated.

If I traveled in circles where I ran into drug dealers, I'ld be looking to purchase substances-of-abuse. I see why people go in that direction. Life can get to seem impossible. Any way to feel better soon can seem like what a person wants. Alcohol is no good because it makes me tired. I have to find the Ritalin and take one. Plus I'm sore. I have to take a pain pill. And I have to eat.