I am sorry to learn you have been not doing those things you love. Would you say you have been isolating yourself in other ways too?

I am/was an avid outdoors person myself. I especially enjoyed and was passionate about kayaking. I have a great deal of money invested in it. The problem is I haven't for years. I once was paddling several times a week. But I lived in a locale surrounded by lakes and the ocean nearby. Here I am in the prairies. While there aren't a great deal of places to do so, there are opportunities. But I have been putting up barriers and finding excuses not to paddle. I crave doing so but I just can't do it. I cry and grieve over not doing so anymore yet I can't bring myself to do the hobby that once gave me basically a reason to live.

It gives me a great deal of anxiety. I panic about aspects of paddling that I never thought twice about before - like rolling the damn thing.

There is a difference though about the person I was then and the person I am now. I was, I am sure, hypo/manic during that time period in my life. Things are more under control now. Before I was spontaneous, carefree, and quite willing to take on risks for the thrill of it. I am quite the avoider of risks now.

What can we do to make change? I too am hoping to at least do a little paddling this summer. I hope you plan to do a little hiking. I have enlisted someone to do so with me. This then is a commitment to taking the adventure on. I am more likely, I hope, to stick with it.

Do you think then you could find a buddy to do these things you yourself are passionate about alongside you?

Great luck!