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guilloche
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Member Since: Jun 2014
Location: US
Posts: 2,734
8 yr Member
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Default Apr 05, 2019 at 03:48 PM
 
I'm still feeling pretty miserable. There are some things that are better, I'm sure, but... I'm so all over the place and so reactive.

I hate posting the negative stuff here (I don't want to scare people away), but I also feel like there's nowhere else to talk about it. Even on this (psychcentral) forum, it doesn't really "fit" in any of the other forums, as far as I can tell.

We went back to C3-A1 and Cz-A1 last week, and that was OK... I was feeling a bit more "productive", but kind of crashed towards the end of the week. So he added F3.

I can't figure out how to consistently find F3. It's so incredibly frustrating. Like, I want to cry. I can find C3 and Fz, which are supposed to help... and I actually put electro-paste on those spots and then stick a little bit of a papertowel, so I can *see* those spots and not lose them. But trying to accurately triangulate for F3 just... I can't figure it out. I'm terrible with spatial stuff to start with, and since we're talking about a head, not a flat plane, nothing seems to look right. What I see in the mirror looks different than when I try taking a picture from above my head... and even that seems to change depending on the angle of my head. It must have taken me an hour last night... and while my brain-guy was trying to give advice online, based on the pics, he must have walked away from the computer because he just went silent at the end. So after sitting there waiting for about 15 minutes, I just went ahead and assumed it was "close enough".

I think I'm at the point that I wouldn't recommend home training, at least at this stage. I'm a relatively smart person, I think... I've got a masters degree and work in tech. This guy knows his stuff, does weekly check-ins with me, and is available most of the time for questions online... and it's still *really hard*. I just did session #30 last night. And, I'm feeling bad. Really stressful sleep (I kept waking up, thinking that I was supposed to have electrodes on and that I'd forgotten them, and was therefore screwing up the training!) and am back to feeling really depressed, and there's not really anyone to talk to about that.

I haven't decided what to do yet. I keep thinking that I need to call the local woman that I talked to previously, especially since she also does therapy, and I'm therapist-less right now. I think that could be a good combination. But I'm generally overwhelmed with other life stuff right now... and it's not all awful, I go up and down. Like I said, I had some time last week where I was feeling better and on top of things, sort of.

Anyway. That's where I'm at.
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