Hello ddark: I'm sorry I don't think I can really advise you with regard to your wound, or tell you what it is that makes you want to go deeper & do more damage (although I've had some similar sorts of experiences myself in the past.) Hopefully there will be other members, here on PC, who will be able to offer some advice as well as insights. I noticed, though, that this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to Psych Central. I hope you find PC to be of benefit.