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saidso
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Member Since: Oct 2018
Location: Europe & UK
Posts: 575
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Default Apr 06, 2019 at 02:09 PM
 
I'm not alcoholic or a smoker BUT what I hear in your post resonates with the pain inside me. Pain drives me to more pain - on a certain level that is the compulsive logic in my life. Controlling pain doesn't fix it, although it can habituate me to a calmer place internally.

I do my best nowadays to address my pain for what it is. The connection to compulsive addictions is a learned compulsion from childhood when we didn't know how to cope otherwise BUT learned compulsions become hot-wired into the amalgya (spell?) in the brain.

My path is to constantly practice/ practice/ practice calming the hot-wired reactions in my body-brain chemistry. Taking the child-pain to a calm place where different choices are possible. There is a Lao Tzu saying something about "nothing is possible without patience. wait patiently until the correct action manifests itself". Also sitting in my easy chair by the radiator and allowing the child to feel pain safely millimetre by millimetre.

I'm sure you will sort this out eventually . Perhaps the habit is worrying at your pain when you are stressed out and least able to deal with it (or in my case physically tired makes me reactive). Breathe, let go, calm, find trust deep inside!

Sending you mental images of butterflies (not sure why).
Saidso

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*"Fierce <-> Reality"*

oh god I am struggling today, help me to remember how to stay connected and human!

remember: the nut shell against human predators and my own fear!
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Thanks for this!
sarahsweets