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Monkey1111 · 07:38 PM

I just got back from the doctor. I knew I had severe neuropathic pain, but apparently I also have cancer. According to the latest tests, I have lung cancer. Stage 3a. My "family" doesn't care. Telling them resulted in a long, one sided "argument", and they started telling me how I brought this on myself by "getting fat" and that "they aren't going to spend more money on me if that's what I'm fishing around for".

Then, things escalated, and they said, "What the hell did you think was going to happen living like you do." They then started telling me, "You made fools out of us (referring to me being bisexual)." And later in the conversation they told me, "Just leave us alone, we don't have time for your drama".

Two months ago, I attempted suicide. I was in the psych unit for a week. So, in addition to the cancer, I also have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. But all my hallucinations go back to a traumatic event I experienced when I was younger.

Someone (I think possibly my cousin with my parents watching but it may have been at friend's house and some of his brothers and his parents, I can't tell, it's all very fuzzy),

Possible trigger:

pinned me down when I was 13 or 14, not sure of the age just that I was a teenager, and burned me on the arm with a cigarette. Then, they stuck the cigarette in my face (whoever it was) and was threatening to put both of my eyes out with it as they held me down.

I keep having flashbacks of this, and I periodically hallucinate things related to the event. I'm beginning to remember this more clearly now. I really don't think I'm psychotic, I think I have simply been so traumatized by this as well as the fact that a

Possible trigger:

"family friend" drugged me with the pure powder form of a cough medication in large doses so he could rape me, and this happened at least once a week maybe more. From when I was 19 until I went away to college at 21.

I'm now 26, but I still have flashbacks of what happened with this as well.

Coincidentally, my doctor just put me on the same medication I got drugged with (in much lower doses of course) twice daily for my neuropathic pain. And because of state dependent memory and all, it is bringing back all these horrid memories. I'm going to give my doctor a call tomorrow to see what he recommends, because the flashbacks are keeping me from being able to sleep.

No one believed me when I spoke up that this guy had drugged me and was taking advantage of me repeatedly. I tried reporting him, and the cops in my hometown all lauged right in my face. Told me that I better stop making up lies about this guy. That if I don't stop "spreading lies", he would have me arrested for slander. I'm not from the US. I'm from a country in eastern Europe (that I won't name out of fears of this post being identified), which is where this all happened, and the guy who did this was filthy rich. And over there, people with money can get away with anything, because the system is so corrupt. And I don't think my parents ever really cared.

I just don't know what to do. I'm probably just going to die of cancer, which is honestly what I'm hoping is going to happen. Because I don't know how I can go on. Everywhere I turn, there is some kind of ******** waiting for me. And I have no support system whatsoever. I'm completely alone in this world, probably dying, and my ptsd has gotten the better of me. To be honest, part of me hopes the cancer wins this battle. Yet part of me strives to push on, just because maybe there is one day going to be something worthwhile for me in this life. But I haven't seen it yet. But just in case, I want to push through, just in case.