Quote:
Originally Posted by WishfulThinker66
I am sorry to learn you have been not doing those things you love. Would you say you have been isolating yourself in other ways too?
I am/was an avid outdoors person myself. I especially enjoyed and was passionate about kayaking. I have a great deal of money invested in it. The problem is I haven't for years. I once was paddling several times a week. But I lived in a locale surrounded by lakes and the ocean nearby. Here I am in the prairies. While there aren't a great deal of places to do so, there are opportunities. But I have been putting up barriers and finding excuses not to paddle. I crave doing so but I just can't do it. I cry and grieve over not doing so anymore yet I can't bring myself to do the hobby that once gave me basically a reason to live.
It gives me a great deal of anxiety. I panic about aspects of paddling that I never thought twice about before - like rolling the damn thing.
There is a difference though about the person I was then and the person I am now. I was, I am sure, hypo/manic during that time period in my life. Things are more under control now. Before I was spontaneous, carefree, and quite willing to take on risks for the thrill of it. I am quite the avoider of risks now.
What can we do to make change? I too am hoping to at least do a little paddling this summer. I hope you plan to do a little hiking. I have enlisted someone to do so with me. This then is a commitment to taking the adventure on. I am more likely, I hope, to stick with it.
Do you think then you could find a buddy to do these things you yourself are passionate about alongside you?
Great luck!
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I certainly have been avoiding many things that cause me anxiety and panic. I had a panic attack and an episode of depersonalization last year while on a hike alone in a remote area. I lost a few hours of time and walked away terrified that this will happen again. This is the event that led me to finally seek therapy and address my mental health issues.
I too have great sadness over all of it because my backcountry treks were always my one source of solace and rejuvenation.
I have been going out with others for the last few months, and am trying to work through this fear. Like you, it feels so strange to be afraid of something that I've always done without a second thought.
I've always wanted to become skilled at paddling! I'd also love to get into rafting without feeling like I needed a guide. I live in the Southwest US and there are so many amazing places to go with those skills that are away from everyone!
I wish you luck getting back to your love! Thanks for the kind words.