I'm so sorry you're hurting so much, bluebicycle! I completely agree with what fern46 and Fuzzybear have already wisely said better than I ever could! No apologies are needed! It's not your fault if you were going through all of this after all! You certainly didn't ask for it! I'm really happy that you're acknowledging it now though and I hope that you're feeling a bit better! Thank you so much for making this thread and updating everyone about your own situation! I hope you'll be able to work with your Pdoc and your therapist and that you'll be able to get through all of this! I'm SURE that you'll be able to get through all of this! Please don't give up hope! Try to hang on as much as you can! Keep fighting and keep trying your best! That's all we humans can do after and it's ALWAYS more than enough! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! You're a STRONG, WONDERFUL PERSON! I know things seem pretty bad right now, but trust me when I say that they CAN and WILL GET BETTER! PLEASE REMEMBER THAT! I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of this, bluebicycle!