Quote:
Originally Posted by Have Hope
I've written before about being ghosted by one online friend, which hurt a LOT.
I have another online girlfriend, with whom I've been writing back and forth for a couple years. I would consider us close, but I've noticed that whenever she gets depressed (she has severe periodic depression), she withdraws entirely or if she does write to me, she becomes very self-centered. It becomes all about her, and I honestly cannot stand it.
Does depression make people self-absorbed?
I don't judge at all because I've had my fair share of depression here and there, but I don't recall ever withdrawing from friendships or becoming self-absorbed.
I've also noticed that it tends to be mainly about her even when she's not depressed. I tend to do most of the supporting. Maybe she's just self-absorbed in general?
My main point is that I keep getting disappointed by my online friendships. Not all of course, but a few.
Maybe I should be pickier about my friendships?
It's her turn to write back. Lately, I've been reaching out to her after a few weeks of not talking, even when it's her turn to write next. I've now become hesitant to write her at all. It's just disappointing.
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1. I've had online female friendships. They each dumped me without even a prior warning. I was friends with these women for YEARS online and even spoke with them on the phone and Skype video chatted with them. But, in the end, I wasn't a friend they wanted to maintain contact with. It hurts but oh well.
2. Your friend is really self-centered in real life. People are the same online as they are offline. That is my personal experience with online friendships.
3. Depression is one of those mental illnesses that promotes self-centered coping skills with people, who are neurotic already. I suffer from severe anxiety sometimes, and have been called self-centered a few times in my life. My theory is, underneath someone's self-centered behavior, is someone who feels flawed, unworthy and emotionally vulnerable to others. Sometimes, I think that's how I feel underneath my anxiety -- I worry that people will take advantage of me if I let my guard down.
BUT....
People can still be a**holes despite their depression. I'm not an a**hole. I'm not saying your friend is an a**hole. But, you've clearly shown her that you support her during her tough times and she responds by ignoring you.
That's not a friendship I'd keep. But, that's just me. It sounds very one-sided: you do all the footwork, reaching out, responding, and she responds tepidly when/if she feels like it. Oh, I've had a few of those doozies myself -- one sided friendships are awful. Just awful.
If your gut's telling you to pull away from her then I'd follow your gut. The gut's never wrong. Like, never wrong. Sorry this happened to you. But sometimes we find out who our real friends are, and it's hurtful when their real intentions with us turn out not to be good ones.