I really feel sorry for you. Mom....you had such bad self-esteme that you got married to the ONLY guy that ever paid attention to you. Then you married him because you wanted him to have someone at home when he went to Germany in WWII. If it was love it sure wasn't obvious the rest of your married life.
Dad, you tried so hard to be like other men when you ever left your workshop in the garage.....but you had no idea how to carry on an intelligent conversation because you never read anything that others talked about but argued with them about opinions you made up in your own head not based on facts. Mom rationalized our family being left out if things & not fitting in because we lived far away from church (the only place you went where there were people), you didn't have money like the rest of them & you couldn't afford to put me into the church school.
The problem wasn't the surface level crap you used as excuses.....but it was your own personality issues that people realky didn't want to be around but were polite enough not to tell you the REAL reason.
You wondered why we fought constantly. Anyone stuck in an environment like that would fight to get out. While I was in my room studying to make sure I didn't end up like you I also spent time wondering what it would be like to have normal parents.
Later in my 40's when I ended up in therapy....the first thing my mom said was...."we didn't abuse you asva child" That statement was accurate & I never claimed to have been abused & by that time in my life with my own dysfunctional marriage I just said my childhood was NORMAL. Years later after having left my own bad marriage & having found outstanding therapy it became CLEAR just how dysfunctional both you were & how dysfunctional I became fighting it. You stayed that way all your lives with some little bits improvement with age BUT it really was who & what you were.
I have worked hard to get out of the rut I found myself if & have found my peace years after you had died. I really wish I had a better picture of you both to look back on. I am really hard pressed to remember any good times we had together where there wasn't some level of stress caused by your behaviors. Was it lack of tolerance on my part or did I have a right to be intolerant of the ways & how they negatively impacted me?
HOWEVER I do appreciate that you both grew up some & were better with my daughter than you were with me & I think you were trying to make up for the past when you were willing to care for her so I could finish my degree & have my computer engineering career.
I figured out many of the undiagnosed issues dad had.....but honestly....knowing a diagnosis wouldn't have changed a thing. It just finally gave me understanding for why you & my Ex-H were the way you were. It wouldn't have FIXED anything.
Maybe going through all I did was necessary for me to be where I am today & have the factual understandings that I have gained from experiencing life the way I did.
I am happy & at peace NOW & that is really all that matters.