We have a lot in common. I had to finally set a big boundary with my son Jason recently. I too am the one,not my ex, who sets any limits with him. We mainly have a personality clash. He also was the perfect kid you described (tho not as many girlfriends) until puberty. I was a single parent for many years and it was tough financially and in the toll it took on my anxiety and depression , but I was high functioning and worked until retirement, tho not making much money. We did joint custody with no child support or alimony, which was my idea s a feminist. Often men dont pay anyway so I figured I would just stay friendly with my ex and it would be better in the long run and it has been.
Tho my son dated a girl in high school who has since become a doctor (damn, I think we would have gotten along great), he married, with my blessing a girl who loves sports like does and is basically wonderful. He has always had no problems with his dad because his dad is so laid back he is almost asleep LOL . Hence I have to plan and decide EVERYTHING.. So I am the one who has to push anything that might not go over well with everyone in the extended family. The pressure of that makes me stressed and impatient.
However, we were basicallly OK until Jason has become overwhelmed with 2 little boys (5 and 8). He coaches both their baseball teams and plays on an adult league of his own. I think thats way too much and have told him so. He is passive aggressive with me, accepting my talkative super planner personality until all of a sudden he is being really short with me in a bickering mode, then blowing up and ranting at me. My ex does nothing to stop him so that puts us on the outs as well.
So now I am insisting that my daughter in law be with us at all times as a buffer. She will not always side with me, but he doesn’t do the really outrageous behavior in front of her.
I just bought a van, my hope being that having wonderful adventures will prevent the bickering from even getting started. There are many places the little boys should really see in this wonderful country of ours. Since things were going downhill with the pressure of my ex’s serious medical conditions(which I manage totally), this is a Hail Mary move, but I really think it will work.. I CONSIDER THE THING OF ULTIMATE IMPORTANCE TO BE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY GRANDKIDS FOR THE FUTURE. I cant be around my son if he is going to treat me w disrespect, but I will fight for the relationship w my grandsons. Fortunately, California, where my grandkids live, has grandparents rights laws. I hope I never have to use them.
Sweetie, my thoughts and best wishes will be with you. Hugs!