But I don’t know if I’m smart enough any more..
I don’t know if I’m strong enough now.

Possible trigger. Some mention of abuse I’ve endured

............


I know that Papa bear would support me all he can.
He needs a lot of alone time. I need more connection.
But he’s a wonderful, caring, sweet person.
I love and respect him deeply.
He doesn’t judge me, ever. In fact I think he has protected me too much.
I was a lost child when we married but I didn’t know it.
I didn’t hide anything from him. I told him everything.
But he didn’t realise I was a lost child, maybe age 16 or even younger inside but I’d been on my own for years... no support from any family member. And living on my own miles away from any family member or any friends. All I had was acquaintances and some boyfriends before I met Papa bear. Most of the boyfriends were abusers (physical, sexual, psychological.

I don’t want to think about all the abusers in my life. I’ve got away from some of them. A few of them said I was an abuser. Most of them called me other names, anything intended to hurt me.

I let them abuse me, I was their toy. I was just a child. . I was alone. All I had was my pretty smile. And my ability to pass exams

I sucked at work. I still do. I’ve been viciously bullied in every workplace, by intelligent men and women. And by some not so intelligent. They think I’m odd and they don’t like my fur I’m maybe still only 15 or 16 inside