I wish it was easy to just move on and listen to what everyone here is telling me to do because I know it's the right thing but I'm so lost and I hate that I had to come back on here and pour my heart out again.

We had been working on things, mainly just me with her needs and she hadn't really seemed to into working on things or really giving me any kind of attention and I felt it inside that she didnt want to or care. But it still wasnt enough I guess to break out of this all.

I then start questioning her about her relationship with that guy she stayed with and told her to tell me and maybe I can forgive and forget it and she keeps telling me nothing happened and that he was just a good friend and listener. The agreement was for her to stop talking to him all contact but last night when I asked if she had anything to tell me she came clean and said that she did write him and told him sorry and that her heart needed me to get through these last couple weeks of nursing school and he said he understood.

I told her to show me and she said she deleted the messages, I told her to ask for screenshots back and she wont doit because she said it makes her look like a fool. I told her I'm not sure if I can do this unless I see and know everything they were talking about and shes just basically wanting me to tell her to leave because she doesn't want to ask for the screenshots.

I told her I wont throw her out again because that's what got us in this situation but if she wont try to prove that shes being honest then she should leave on her own and not come back ever and let me go.

I feel so used and empty. I'm considering seeking out a counselor or some professional help but I'm not sure how soon they can get me in and I dont know how much more I can take

I'm sorry to everyone that I'm not strong enough to follow advice